You want me to feel his what?

The other night I was home in bed getting some sleep when all of the sudden the shrill sound of my pager woke me up. I rolled over and saw the time: 2 AM. I called the number on my pager and a nurse in the Intensive Care Unit answered. She told me that she was worried about a patient of mine who had an abdominal aortic aneurysm repaired that afternoon. Apparently one of his testicles was much larger than the other one and she wanted me to drive to the hospital to make sure he was okay. I hung up the phone and laughed, then I grabbed my car keys and drove to the VA. Sure enough, his left testicle was the size of a softball while has right one was the size of a walnut. There was no discoloration or other signs that would suggest accumulation of blood in his scrotum. I scratched my head (after washing my hands of course) and decided that whatever the cause of this strange finding, it was not going to kill him that night. I reassured the nurse and then I drove back home and went to bed.

I have been awoken from my sleep innumerable times this year, but I have to say that this time takes the cake.

While we are on the subject, I will tell another story that deals with a part of the body in close proximity to the anatomy in the previous story. Last month I had the responsibility of placing foley catheters (bladder tubes) in the trauma patients when they arrived in the Emergency Department. We place these catheters to make sure that they do not have any blood in their urine that might suggest an injury to the kidneys, bladder, or urethra. Trauma patients are also placed on strict bed rest until we are sure they do not have an injury to their spine, so having a catheter in their bladder makes urinating more convenient.

Nobody likes having a catheter placed, but some patients are more stoic than others. I remember one Latino gentleman who was very apprehensive when he saw me pull the catheter out of its packaging. As soon as I started placing the catheter, he shouted out "Ay yay yay yay yay yay yay!" He sounded exactly like Speedy Gonzalez. The other resident and I looked at eachother and were unable to suppress our laughter. I hate to make light of this man's discomfort, but I never expected such sounds to come out of his mouth.